This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize