Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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