so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize