So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
