I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
