Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
