I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
