.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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