Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
