Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize