just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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