Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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