I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
