No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
