I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
