rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
