My liver just broke up with me...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
