and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
