he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
