i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
