still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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