i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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