it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
