You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
