toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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