Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
