She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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