The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
