She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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