If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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