I'm drive I can fine osifer
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
