a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
