I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
