I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
