i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
