Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
God, I missed his penis.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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