y did u give ur computer a hand job?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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