Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
