I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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