shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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