she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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