I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
