One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
