Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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