girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
