it was like eating out sand paper
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
