dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
