I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize