so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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