After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
