Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize