He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
