So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
