Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
