Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
