He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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