Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
