i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
