Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
