he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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