what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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