All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
