My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
