I have demons in me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize