o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he shaved USA in his pubs
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
