He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
