all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
