Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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