Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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