I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
be right there i have to get my cape
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
