I accidentally had phone sex last night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
