Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
