i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
soo... how was my night?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
