they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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