accomplished twins. life is a go
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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