When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
