I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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