Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
