you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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