So drunk its hurt
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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