i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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