nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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