He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
