My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize