I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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