dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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