Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i dont even know how to be here
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
