Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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