i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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