Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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