fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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