he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
