Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
