i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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