i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
