Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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